Secret Asian Man

Week ending 4/18/08:

Spring is in the air, except on Amtrak. Same old funky sights, sounds and smells. No flowers or fragrant bouquets. It's actually a weird time for the climate control measures on board. There's never a sure measure at this time of year to keep the heating system toasty or crank up the AC. In any case, we railers are left to our own diversions and distractions, responsible for own comfort. At least the crowds have not been overwhelming and traffic control seems under control.

We are lucky not to be subject to what appears to be a "normal" commute on the Tokyo Railroad. A recently posted video demonstrates the pushing and shoving that is required to jam as many railers into a car as possible. Literally , like sardines in a can! It starts with the commuters themselves leaning, then pushing, then jamming each other forward into the car like a railer scrum. It's completed when a transit cop squishes the last few remaining limbs, clothing and any other body part into the car and tries to force the doors closed, again almost bursting at the seems! The Auschwitz rail road accommodations appears spacious by comparison! Here's a link. It's unbelievable. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BE35onlIySk.

One note worthy event occurred this week during the morning excursion into the city. It involved one of the regulars, Secret Asian Man ("SAM"). He gets on in Philly and heads to Gotham. He usually sits in the same seat and snuggles in quickly to catch a nap, never making a sound until someone disturbs the sanctity of the Quiet Car. Then he springs into action. Out of his seat like a shot out of a cannon and into the space of the offending rule breaker. He has actually taken over for Nona the Hatchet Lady when it comes to enforcing the peace (Nona is nona longer a railer). Anyway, SAM does his thing when he hears the cell phone and this time, the non-compliant perp is a very Afro-centric black woman, in her 30's with plenty of attitude to share! Sort of like Cleopatra Jones! Not only did she NOT appreciate a reminder of the "no cell phone" prohibition, but she took personal offence to this perceived intrusion, and the minute her phone conversation was completed, she was out of her seat and in the air space of SAM. She read him the riot act, talking a mile-a-minute and sticking her 4-inch nail-enhanced finger in his face. She warned him that if he ever did that again to her, she would view that as an assault where she would be forced to defend herself and that he would suffer the consequences! Now SAM is no shrinking violet and he decides to "holla back" in Secret Asian Man lingo. No one (accept an associate of SAM's who was sitting next to him) knows what-the-heck he's saying, but its sounds fierce! The next thing, a new player, Mr. Clean, jumps into the fray. He's a 50-something, 6'2", 250 lb. white guy, with a bald head, no neck and dressed all in black. He looks like he's sent from central casting as a former special-ops guy brought out of retirement and recruited by the CIA to save the world. He just stands there next to Cleopatra, his arms folded across his massive chest, not saying a word. He didn't have to. His expression said "if there's a problem, maybe you want me to fix it." Cleopatra and SAM both sat down and Mr.Clean went back to his paper. The rest of us go back to sleep.