Track Attack

Week Ending 2/29/08:

Amtrak recently announced that it will start randomly screening passengers' carry-on bags in a new security initiative designed to make our railing a happier, gentler and hopefully, bombless experience. Part of the push will include more police officers and army guards patrolling the rail stations with bomb-sniffing dogs and carrying fierce-looking weaponry - machine guns and the like, as well as special units called "mobile security teams" that will be trolling for terrorists on board.

It's all part of a significant shift for Amtrak with respect to giving the appearance of heightened security. In the past, of course, it's been a joke. Anyone (business commuter, students, weekday Broadway babies and shoppers of all ilks) can enjoy the ride by simply boarding a train. The extent of the "security" consisted of maybe having to show a ticket to an Amtrak ticket person, whose job is to try and make sure that the crush of humanity pushing to enter an escalator leading to the appropriate departure track, are each armed with a ticket bearing the correct train number. This is usually a "best efforts" attempt, since the desire is to get everyone down the shoot with a minimum of pushing, shoving and stampeding. Of course, all of this is a mere inconvenience to any would-be evil-doer, who has the options of (1) buying a ticket at the counter and then boarding; (2) buying a ticket at the kiosk and then boarding; or (3)just walking down one of the many staircases which lead to the tracks and are open to the public , none of which are staffed by anyone asking to see a ticket, and boarding, sans-ticket, if one chooses.

Keep in mind, that during a typical evening excursion from NY Penn Station to parts south, a railer is usually comfy in their seat, enjoying the scenery, for at least a half-hour to 40 minutes into the journey before a conductor comes along to collect tickets! So anyone with bad intentions has plenty of opportunity to make deadly mischief!

Under the new rules,the roving teams will show up, unannounced, and set up mobile screening stations. Passengers will be pulled out of line via random selection to have their bags screened. If a passenger refuses, then they won't be allowed on the train (how harsh). Of course, one way to avoid the screening is to avoid the line! I have not heard of any changes in keeping passengers from by-passing the lines, which I was able to do all this week, business as usual!

I would much rather see the investment made in an adequate number of specially-trained, super-sniffing K-9 units, patrolling the platforms and making a quick stroll though the train, prior to departure. As in most security issues, we are more lucky than good, and only through the grace of God do we reach our destination unscathed.

Training Rules

Week Ending 1/25/08:

With the holidays behind us and the new year in full swing, I thought it was a good time to share my thoughts on some basic train etiquette that will assist all railers in a more enjoyable Amtrak experience. You remember etiquette, right? It does appear on occasion, and is becoming a lost art, or more accurately, an ignored accommodation. Webster defines etiquette as " the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life." While maybe not official, sharing the rails with others certainly seems to qualify as a social exchange that should require certain common courtesies. The word "etiquette", comes from Old French and means, quite literally, "ticket." Ironically, some ignorant or disrespectful train wrecks seem to believe their ticket entitles them to behave any way they please, with no regard for others.

Here are Lionel's suggested "Top 10" Training Rules:

1. Stay quiet in the quiet car. That means turn off your cell phone, stop talking with your friend who's sitting next to you. No paper shredding, snoring or other controllable body noises!

2. Don't leave trash. Does everyone need a nanny to pick up after themselves? Why people believe that it's too much effort to take their coffee cups, bottles, used napkins, candy wrappers, and believe it or not, pizza boxes, and that the railers who follow want to touch these germ-infested used paper products and dispose of them is beyond me.

3. Herding and pushing to get out of the car first. As wonderful as you think you are, you still can't ignore some basic laws of physics. No two bodies can take up the same space at the same time, so back off!

4. Throwing paper towels and toilet paper on the restroom sinks and floors. Come on, these facilities are bad enough, do we need to make them more of a mess?

5. Putting feet up on the seats. Do other railers really want to touch and sit where feet meet NYC streets? How do we spell "Yeeeeeeech"!

6. Blasting ipods so the sound pours out of the earbuds. I know you love your tunes, but x!@#$%^* and mother-x!@#$%&* is not my idea of music. Thanks, but don't share.

7. Letting kids run up and down the aisles. Not only annoying, but real dangerous for the kids, especially when shoeless. Enough of the "Britney School of Parenting".

8. Loud talking on cell phones. We know you're important, but please. Keep your affairs, both business and personal, to yourself. The rest of us are not interested in your dating life, account balances or dislike for your dysfunctional immediate family.

9. Return your seat backs and table trays to their original upright position. Where have we heard that? When you don't, it makes getting in and out of the seat next to you and behind you almost impossible.

10. When the train is sold-out or close to it, keep your bags, briefcases, coats and other stuff stored in the overhead shelves. Unless you have purchased more then one ticket, you're only entitled to one space. And save the dirty looks when you are asked to move your stuff so someone can occupy the seat.

If everyone would recognize and follow these common-sense guidelines, we'll all enjoy a more civil and comfortable commute in 2008 and beyond.