De-Training

Week ending 3/16/07:
Who knew there is such an art as "de-training"? Now, I'm not talking about riding the "D" train uptown (similar to the "A" train). Nor am I goofing on Herve Villechaize's immortal "De plane, boss, de plane" signature announcement from Fantasy Island. I'm talking about the conductor's announcements over the intercom system as we approach the next scheduled stop. The voice over the speaker dutifully instructs passengers to "get ready to de-train". That means we are to gather our bags and personal items from the overhead storage areas and be careful as we step from the train to the platform at the station, since there is a gap between the platform and train. This has to be accomplished in relative quick order, since some of the stops (Baltimore) are for only a two-minute respite and its easy to be trapped on board by packages, bags, strollers and other less-nimble trainees, so you have to hustle. These alerts are valuable guidance in this age of litigation, when personal injury is the result of too hot coffee, or cigarettes that force us to smoke. Lord knows what a jury would find for some real damages from, say, oh I don't know, maybe, ah, being cut in half by slipping in between the rails and the haven of the platform. It's a challenging art that requires honing through alertness, agility, co-ordination and moxie. Sensing just the right moment to bust a move: grab your coat, briefcase, shopping bags, newspapers, water bottle and any other remaining refuse, maneuver around other passengers who are trying to make it to the restrooms that reside close to the exit doors, or to the cafe car; but not too soon, or you'll be subject to the knee buckling, hyper-extending pre-stop jerk that lurches the train forward and can send the unprepared hurtling head-over-teacups. In any case, it's an interesting term. It's a made-up term that seems to qualify for the other d-lists we improvise and then find their way into a dictionary: de-ice, de-brief, de-glaze, and the ever popular, de-tox. Does it qualify that, as a former athlete, my lack of physical activity is now, yet another interpretation of "de-training"?