Week Ending 1/25/08:
With the holidays behind us and the new year in full swing, I thought it was a good time to share my thoughts on some basic train etiquette that will assist all railers in a more enjoyable Amtrak experience. You remember etiquette, right? It does appear on occasion, and is becoming a lost art, or more accurately, an ignored accommodation. Webster defines etiquette as " the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life." While maybe not official, sharing the rails with others certainly seems to qualify as a social exchange that should require certain common courtesies. The word "etiquette", comes from Old French and means, quite literally, "ticket." Ironically, some ignorant or disrespectful train wrecks seem to believe their ticket entitles them to behave any way they please, with no regard for others.
Here are Lionel's suggested "Top 10" Training Rules:
1. Stay quiet in the quiet car. That means turn off your cell phone, stop talking with your friend who's sitting next to you. No paper shredding, snoring or other controllable body noises!
2. Don't leave trash. Does everyone need a nanny to pick up after themselves? Why people believe that it's too much effort to take their coffee cups, bottles, used napkins, candy wrappers, and believe it or not, pizza boxes, and that the railers who follow want to touch these germ-infested used paper products and dispose of them is beyond me.
3. Herding and pushing to get out of the car first. As wonderful as you think you are, you still can't ignore some basic laws of physics. No two bodies can take up the same space at the same time, so back off!
4. Throwing paper towels and toilet paper on the restroom sinks and floors. Come on, these facilities are bad enough, do we need to make them more of a mess?
5. Putting feet up on the seats. Do other railers really want to touch and sit where feet meet NYC streets? How do we spell "Yeeeeeeech"!
6. Blasting ipods so the sound pours out of the earbuds. I know you love your tunes, but x!@#$%^* and mother-x!@#$%&* is not my idea of music. Thanks, but don't share.
7. Letting kids run up and down the aisles. Not only annoying, but real dangerous for the kids, especially when shoeless. Enough of the "Britney School of Parenting".
8. Loud talking on cell phones. We know you're important, but please. Keep your affairs, both business and personal, to yourself. The rest of us are not interested in your dating life, account balances or dislike for your dysfunctional immediate family.
9. Return your seat backs and table trays to their original upright position. Where have we heard that? When you don't, it makes getting in and out of the seat next to you and behind you almost impossible.
10. When the train is sold-out or close to it, keep your bags, briefcases, coats and other stuff stored in the overhead shelves. Unless you have purchased more then one ticket, you're only entitled to one space. And save the dirty looks when you are asked to move your stuff so someone can occupy the seat.
If everyone would recognize and follow these common-sense guidelines, we'll all enjoy a more civil and comfortable commute in 2008 and beyond.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Sights and Sounds of the Season
Week Ending 12/7/07:
Good tidings and Season's Greetings to all you busy shoppers, anxious commuters and Holiday travelers. The city is aglow with Christmas spirit. Just this week I saw the rats on an "E" train platform shredding up some ribbon and the wrapping paper from an errant present dropped by an absent-minded railer. They love Hickory Farms!
Mrs. Twain and I came into the city to see the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center and catch a Holiday concert at the Metropolitan Museum of Art performed by Chanticleer. This group presents 12 male voices that are unsurpassed in their range and clarity, and when they blend, it's like butta. If you wonder what the angels singing in Heaven will be like, here it is!
My fellow railers have been, for the most part, pretty congenial and accommodating these recent days. I've seen a number of random acts of kindness this week: giving up seats so families can sit together, helping load and store luggage, and a few more smiles representing a temporary willingness to be tolerant for annoying behavior. I guess we can call it "good will toward people"! One exception does come to mind, however, and I'm the guilty party. I was on my way to NY, when a young woman, probably late 20's, joined me in Philadelphia. She wanted to sit on the inside seat next to the window, which was fine by me. She's a female Gilbert Gottfried. I'll call her Gilda. Gilda Gottfried. Squinty eyes, and squirming in her seat. She couldn't sit still and no sooner did she take her seat, she began to complain. She's wedged into the seat to begin with, and while balancing a grande latte in her left hand, she began to try and remove her coat, maneuvering around a large computer bag on her lap, and an oversized handbag at her feet. To her credit, she succeeded without spilling a drop. She also brought with her a consistent sniffle and throat-clearing exercise every, oh say, minute and a half, without exception. It was one of those bad coke sniffles with bronchitis-like sounds that draws the congestion deep into her lungs. Did I mention that adding to the disturbance was the constant whining about the train conditions. "It's too hot in here. It's very hot. Why is it so hot in here" and on and on she went. Also "It's very tight in here. There's not much room in these seats. Why is it so tight in here?" Needless to say, she made an impression on me. Since I didn't have a good answer for her, I simply took out a tablet and began writing my Christmas list. Nothing puts me in a better mood, and before I knew it, we had arrived in Gotham.
Good tidings and Season's Greetings to all you busy shoppers, anxious commuters and Holiday travelers. The city is aglow with Christmas spirit. Just this week I saw the rats on an "E" train platform shredding up some ribbon and the wrapping paper from an errant present dropped by an absent-minded railer. They love Hickory Farms!
Mrs. Twain and I came into the city to see the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center and catch a Holiday concert at the Metropolitan Museum of Art performed by Chanticleer. This group presents 12 male voices that are unsurpassed in their range and clarity, and when they blend, it's like butta. If you wonder what the angels singing in Heaven will be like, here it is!
My fellow railers have been, for the most part, pretty congenial and accommodating these recent days. I've seen a number of random acts of kindness this week: giving up seats so families can sit together, helping load and store luggage, and a few more smiles representing a temporary willingness to be tolerant for annoying behavior. I guess we can call it "good will toward people"! One exception does come to mind, however, and I'm the guilty party. I was on my way to NY, when a young woman, probably late 20's, joined me in Philadelphia. She wanted to sit on the inside seat next to the window, which was fine by me. She's a female Gilbert Gottfried. I'll call her Gilda. Gilda Gottfried. Squinty eyes, and squirming in her seat. She couldn't sit still and no sooner did she take her seat, she began to complain. She's wedged into the seat to begin with, and while balancing a grande latte in her left hand, she began to try and remove her coat, maneuvering around a large computer bag on her lap, and an oversized handbag at her feet. To her credit, she succeeded without spilling a drop. She also brought with her a consistent sniffle and throat-clearing exercise every, oh say, minute and a half, without exception. It was one of those bad coke sniffles with bronchitis-like sounds that draws the congestion deep into her lungs. Did I mention that adding to the disturbance was the constant whining about the train conditions. "It's too hot in here. It's very hot. Why is it so hot in here" and on and on she went. Also "It's very tight in here. There's not much room in these seats. Why is it so tight in here?" Needless to say, she made an impression on me. Since I didn't have a good answer for her, I simply took out a tablet and began writing my Christmas list. Nothing puts me in a better mood, and before I knew it, we had arrived in Gotham.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Fare Weathered Friends
Week Ending 11/16/07:
We are always hearing about the terrible budget condition that Amtrak finds itself facing. Hostile non-railers in Congress want to trim more of the federal subsidy (leave it to Washington to bite the hand that feeds it, i.e., commuters getting to work in order to feed the FICA-monster) and make it more of a burden on us, over-taxed working poor! And while were at it, lets throw on a bigger helping of AMT to boot-- which makes me boot! Sorry, I digress. The Amtrak planners demonstrated their lack of Econ 101 when they boosted the cost of monthly rail passes. Mine was raised by 64% over a 15-month period. Their published explanation was that monthly ticket holders were receiving too large a discount over the regular round-tripper and that raising the fares was fairer. Huh? They also stated that this increase in ticket-toll would help make up some of the revenue shortfall. Prices were raised even after a consultant's report was released that stated that the increased monthly rail passes would, at best, be revenue-neutral. The additional squeezing of the faithfully departing, would be countered by the lost ridership of those who squealed "Enough" and left the rail system altogether. So far, no official information on this impact, only my personal observations of lighter loads and some of the former regulars who are now MIA.
Fortunately, Amtrak is trying some market-friendly alternatives to help keep the lights on and the conductor's pensions funded: advertising. Not spending more money on advertising, but selling ads (hey, if it works for Google). The ads I'm talking about are actually more traditional than cyber. Think rolling billboard. Starting this week, Acela Express from D.C. running to Boston will be wrapped in advertisements for an upcoming History Channel Special, hosted by Tom Brokow. The subject is "1968" and we can expect to see the giant images of Richard Nixon, Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King and Bob Dylan flash before our eyes. It should be particularly evident to our Delaware neighbors, since Amtrak rails parallels I-95 and makes the trains easily visible. As long as someone is willing to pay for the space, I'm sure there will be plenty more to come. I'd like to suggest two additional sources of free-market revenue for Amtrak: the Casino Car and "Acelerated", the work-out car. The rail casino could have one side for slots and the other side for blackjack. Create a partnership with a Native American tribe (I think Amtrak means "rolling in chips" in the Algonquin tongue) and give Donald Trump a management stake (picture The Donald plastered all over the outside of the car) and violla! Budget crisis solved in 120 days! My second solution caters to the time-conscious exerciser. What better way to chew up some miles during your commute and slip in a workout as well. The car could be equipped with steppers and ellipticals and maybe a compact weight station or two. Each user would be limited to twenty minutes or a half hour and equipment would be unlocked via credit card. Memberships could be sold and injury waivers would be signed as well. That should do it. Examples of the market at work and no need for escalating federal handouts or immediate in-your-pocket fare increases. As the Brits (who know a thing or two about trains) would say, brilliant!
We are always hearing about the terrible budget condition that Amtrak finds itself facing. Hostile non-railers in Congress want to trim more of the federal subsidy (leave it to Washington to bite the hand that feeds it, i.e., commuters getting to work in order to feed the FICA-monster) and make it more of a burden on us, over-taxed working poor! And while were at it, lets throw on a bigger helping of AMT to boot-- which makes me boot! Sorry, I digress. The Amtrak planners demonstrated their lack of Econ 101 when they boosted the cost of monthly rail passes. Mine was raised by 64% over a 15-month period. Their published explanation was that monthly ticket holders were receiving too large a discount over the regular round-tripper and that raising the fares was fairer. Huh? They also stated that this increase in ticket-toll would help make up some of the revenue shortfall. Prices were raised even after a consultant's report was released that stated that the increased monthly rail passes would, at best, be revenue-neutral. The additional squeezing of the faithfully departing, would be countered by the lost ridership of those who squealed "Enough" and left the rail system altogether. So far, no official information on this impact, only my personal observations of lighter loads and some of the former regulars who are now MIA.
Fortunately, Amtrak is trying some market-friendly alternatives to help keep the lights on and the conductor's pensions funded: advertising. Not spending more money on advertising, but selling ads (hey, if it works for Google). The ads I'm talking about are actually more traditional than cyber. Think rolling billboard. Starting this week, Acela Express from D.C. running to Boston will be wrapped in advertisements for an upcoming History Channel Special, hosted by Tom Brokow. The subject is "1968" and we can expect to see the giant images of Richard Nixon, Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King and Bob Dylan flash before our eyes. It should be particularly evident to our Delaware neighbors, since Amtrak rails parallels I-95 and makes the trains easily visible. As long as someone is willing to pay for the space, I'm sure there will be plenty more to come. I'd like to suggest two additional sources of free-market revenue for Amtrak: the Casino Car and "Acelerated", the work-out car. The rail casino could have one side for slots and the other side for blackjack. Create a partnership with a Native American tribe (I think Amtrak means "rolling in chips" in the Algonquin tongue) and give Donald Trump a management stake (picture The Donald plastered all over the outside of the car) and violla! Budget crisis solved in 120 days! My second solution caters to the time-conscious exerciser. What better way to chew up some miles during your commute and slip in a workout as well. The car could be equipped with steppers and ellipticals and maybe a compact weight station or two. Each user would be limited to twenty minutes or a half hour and equipment would be unlocked via credit card. Memberships could be sold and injury waivers would be signed as well. That should do it. Examples of the market at work and no need for escalating federal handouts or immediate in-your-pocket fare increases. As the Brits (who know a thing or two about trains) would say, brilliant!
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Sour Gropes
Saturday 11/10/07:
As crowded as Monday mornings appear, or as pushy a sold-out, night-before Holiday escape from Penn Station becomes, none of Amtrak's schedule can come close to the JR (Japan Railway) in Tokyo. Apparently, one of the unpleasant bi-products of this ant farm-like transit system is a bizarre propensity for male commuters to grope female railers. As if armpit-in-your nostril straphangers wasn't uncomfortable enough, throw in some unwanted bumping,grinding and grabbing to the mix for a real nightmare commute! According to recent reports, Tokyo is facing an epidemic of men who can't keep their hands to themselves. In a related survey, 64% of Tokyo women in their 20's and 30's reported that they have been groped on trains or subways.
One response created to offer some relief has been the creation of the "women only" car, a coach on the train available to female riders. Another has been the development of a free download for cell phones offered by game-maker Takahashi that will flash a bold series of questions. The application flashes increasingly threatening messages in bold print on the phone's screen to show the offender. These include "Did you just grope me?" It follows up with " Did you know groping is a crime?" and "Should we head to the police?" It has become the 2nd most popular download in Tokyo and 7th overall for the company. And while many young women are too embarrassed to take action, other are not. According to their most recent statistics, Tokyo Metropolitan Police reported 1,853 people were arrested in 2005 for groping passengers on trains in Tokyo. So how is one of these purvy gropers suppose to get his kicks? Well, leave it to Japanese ingenuity! How about the "Train Cafe", a real train car that provides a simulated train ride and where groping is allowed! This "escape" is provided just minutes from Tokyo's Ikebukuro station. The cost of a membership is $42 and each "ride" is $30. Along with servings of tea for $25, the 20-minute faux-commute departs every hour and serves up young women for the rider's groping pleasure! In addition to "company girls" who are dressed in school-girl outfits or aprons, other "normal" girls who hang out at the cafe after work, can jump on board and join in! Apparently, many members use this activity as a precursor for getting a date, going to dinner, and many report, a steady relationship that has led to marriage! This really brings new meaning to the commuters "daily grind."
As crowded as Monday mornings appear, or as pushy a sold-out, night-before Holiday escape from Penn Station becomes, none of Amtrak's schedule can come close to the JR (Japan Railway) in Tokyo. Apparently, one of the unpleasant bi-products of this ant farm-like transit system is a bizarre propensity for male commuters to grope female railers. As if armpit-in-your nostril straphangers wasn't uncomfortable enough, throw in some unwanted bumping,grinding and grabbing to the mix for a real nightmare commute! According to recent reports, Tokyo is facing an epidemic of men who can't keep their hands to themselves. In a related survey, 64% of Tokyo women in their 20's and 30's reported that they have been groped on trains or subways.
One response created to offer some relief has been the creation of the "women only" car, a coach on the train available to female riders. Another has been the development of a free download for cell phones offered by game-maker Takahashi that will flash a bold series of questions. The application flashes increasingly threatening messages in bold print on the phone's screen to show the offender. These include "Did you just grope me?" It follows up with " Did you know groping is a crime?" and "Should we head to the police?" It has become the 2nd most popular download in Tokyo and 7th overall for the company. And while many young women are too embarrassed to take action, other are not. According to their most recent statistics, Tokyo Metropolitan Police reported 1,853 people were arrested in 2005 for groping passengers on trains in Tokyo. So how is one of these purvy gropers suppose to get his kicks? Well, leave it to Japanese ingenuity! How about the "Train Cafe", a real train car that provides a simulated train ride and where groping is allowed! This "escape" is provided just minutes from Tokyo's Ikebukuro station. The cost of a membership is $42 and each "ride" is $30. Along with servings of tea for $25, the 20-minute faux-commute departs every hour and serves up young women for the rider's groping pleasure! In addition to "company girls" who are dressed in school-girl outfits or aprons, other "normal" girls who hang out at the cafe after work, can jump on board and join in! Apparently, many members use this activity as a precursor for getting a date, going to dinner, and many report, a steady relationship that has led to marriage! This really brings new meaning to the commuters "daily grind."
Friday, November 9, 2007
Gravy Train
Week Ending 11/8/07:
Fall has arrived and what better time to think of my three favorite "f" words: family, food and friends than the weeks leading up to the Holidays. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving and I had an early glimpse this week of times to come. Not that I'm looking forward to extra-packed trains filled with visitors to the City or travelers going home for the Holidays. One gentlemen, riding from Philadelphia to Washington, decided to get a jump on the season and brought almost a complete Thanksgiving meal with him on board. He was probably around 60, dressed in normal business attire, and average by all accounts. He had a large shopping bag which he sat on the seat next to him. Out of the bag comes a whole roaster chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry dressing and yes, pumpkin pie for dessert! And yes, he did eat the whole thing. I'm always amazed at the volume of exotic foods that passengers bring with them. Usually it's brought with its own unique aromas of spices depicting far away lands, and usually the aroma is pretty putrid! But I have to admit, the guy and his chicken really caught everyone's attention.
Fall has arrived and what better time to think of my three favorite "f" words: family, food and friends than the weeks leading up to the Holidays. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving and I had an early glimpse this week of times to come. Not that I'm looking forward to extra-packed trains filled with visitors to the City or travelers going home for the Holidays. One gentlemen, riding from Philadelphia to Washington, decided to get a jump on the season and brought almost a complete Thanksgiving meal with him on board. He was probably around 60, dressed in normal business attire, and average by all accounts. He had a large shopping bag which he sat on the seat next to him. Out of the bag comes a whole roaster chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry dressing and yes, pumpkin pie for dessert! And yes, he did eat the whole thing. I'm always amazed at the volume of exotic foods that passengers bring with them. Usually it's brought with its own unique aromas of spices depicting far away lands, and usually the aroma is pretty putrid! But I have to admit, the guy and his chicken really caught everyone's attention.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Loud Talkers
Week ending 9/15/07:
"Do you hear yourself?" What use to be the question that moms would ask, I now claim as mine. People on the train continue to hold every imaginable type of cell phone conversation while on board. It doesn't matter how sensitive: business merger, legal, love-lorn and just plain-old angry. Don't they know that others are listening? Rather, can't help but listen because they are talking so loudly! Remember the close-talker from Seinfeld? Jerry should have covered the loud-talker. People can't get it through their head that they don't have to shout when using their cell phone. There was a recent story released about an actual disconnect that occurs between our ears and our mouths when using a device shaped like a cell phone. Apparently, some people really can't distinguish auditory currents, which creates a feedback response that makes the person raise their voice. In any event, too many railers on the railes, prompting the always annoying "can you hear me?" Of course they can hear you, everyone on this train can hear you! A guy this week (who's sitting three rows behind me) is talking to a friend about his recent trip to India. I swear it sounded like he's sitting on my shoulder! No such thing as intimacy, discretion or propriety. Just lay it out there for the world to hear. Scold a spouse, berate a child, humiliate an employee, brag about a conquest or threaten legal action with a business associate. Not that these devil-may-care attitudes are the exclusive purview of the aggressive tyrant. Loud talkers can also include those seeking forgiveness: a plea for leniency over a credit-problem, begging for attention from an apparently not-so-interested former paramour, or a rationalization of an infidelity are all part of the shared dialogue to which I've witnessed. Go ahead, keep on talking. Minutes are free after 7:00PM!
"Do you hear yourself?" What use to be the question that moms would ask, I now claim as mine. People on the train continue to hold every imaginable type of cell phone conversation while on board. It doesn't matter how sensitive: business merger, legal, love-lorn and just plain-old angry. Don't they know that others are listening? Rather, can't help but listen because they are talking so loudly! Remember the close-talker from Seinfeld? Jerry should have covered the loud-talker. People can't get it through their head that they don't have to shout when using their cell phone. There was a recent story released about an actual disconnect that occurs between our ears and our mouths when using a device shaped like a cell phone. Apparently, some people really can't distinguish auditory currents, which creates a feedback response that makes the person raise their voice. In any event, too many railers on the railes, prompting the always annoying "can you hear me?" Of course they can hear you, everyone on this train can hear you! A guy this week (who's sitting three rows behind me) is talking to a friend about his recent trip to India. I swear it sounded like he's sitting on my shoulder! No such thing as intimacy, discretion or propriety. Just lay it out there for the world to hear. Scold a spouse, berate a child, humiliate an employee, brag about a conquest or threaten legal action with a business associate. Not that these devil-may-care attitudes are the exclusive purview of the aggressive tyrant. Loud talkers can also include those seeking forgiveness: a plea for leniency over a credit-problem, begging for attention from an apparently not-so-interested former paramour, or a rationalization of an infidelity are all part of the shared dialogue to which I've witnessed. Go ahead, keep on talking. Minutes are free after 7:00PM!
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Sounds of Silence
Week Ending 9/01/07:
When does silence make noise? When riding in the "quiet car." Of course, it's not really silence that's the standard, but rather a "library-like environment, no cell phones, no loud talking and no extended conversations." Most railers who seek the solitude of this rolling retreat (myself included) have the unrealistic expectation that we can take our seat and drift off to napville or focus on our reading assignment in quiet bliss. The irony of these misappropriated thoughts is that sound, no matter how reduced, still seems amplified when made in a relatively silent space. I guess that's why Amtrak has named it the "quiet car" and not the "silent car." Violators of the standing rules can be easily identified, admonished and if necessary, reported to the conductor. Most of the conductors do a pretty good job with enforcement of the policy. More difficult to police are the noisemakers who fall outside the protocol. They don't talk or use their phones, but disturb the peace, nonetheless. Snoring rolls like thunder out of some guys (sorry ladies, percentage-wise, you're still not equal in this department). Computer keyboards on some laptops, when left in the caffeine-fueled nimble digits of the typing-gifted, can sound like a flamenco performance. Tearing a newspaper, persistent smokers- hack, sorting through jumbo purses, the nerve shattering velcro-rip on some briefcases and even the squeaky seats that rattle as we roll adds to the disturbance. I guess expectations just have to be tempered to accommodate this reality. That, or the purchase of a noise-cancelling headset is the ticket.
When does silence make noise? When riding in the "quiet car." Of course, it's not really silence that's the standard, but rather a "library-like environment, no cell phones, no loud talking and no extended conversations." Most railers who seek the solitude of this rolling retreat (myself included) have the unrealistic expectation that we can take our seat and drift off to napville or focus on our reading assignment in quiet bliss. The irony of these misappropriated thoughts is that sound, no matter how reduced, still seems amplified when made in a relatively silent space. I guess that's why Amtrak has named it the "quiet car" and not the "silent car." Violators of the standing rules can be easily identified, admonished and if necessary, reported to the conductor. Most of the conductors do a pretty good job with enforcement of the policy. More difficult to police are the noisemakers who fall outside the protocol. They don't talk or use their phones, but disturb the peace, nonetheless. Snoring rolls like thunder out of some guys (sorry ladies, percentage-wise, you're still not equal in this department). Computer keyboards on some laptops, when left in the caffeine-fueled nimble digits of the typing-gifted, can sound like a flamenco performance. Tearing a newspaper, persistent smokers- hack, sorting through jumbo purses, the nerve shattering velcro-rip on some briefcases and even the squeaky seats that rattle as we roll adds to the disturbance. I guess expectations just have to be tempered to accommodate this reality. That, or the purchase of a noise-cancelling headset is the ticket.
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