Fare Weathered Friends

Week Ending 11/16/07:

We are always hearing about the terrible budget condition that Amtrak finds itself facing. Hostile non-railers in Congress want to trim more of the federal subsidy (leave it to Washington to bite the hand that feeds it, i.e., commuters getting to work in order to feed the FICA-monster) and make it more of a burden on us, over-taxed working poor! And while were at it, lets throw on a bigger helping of AMT to boot-- which makes me boot! Sorry, I digress. The Amtrak planners demonstrated their lack of Econ 101 when they boosted the cost of monthly rail passes. Mine was raised by 64% over a 15-month period. Their published explanation was that monthly ticket holders were receiving too large a discount over the regular round-tripper and that raising the fares was fairer. Huh? They also stated that this increase in ticket-toll would help make up some of the revenue shortfall. Prices were raised even after a consultant's report was released that stated that the increased monthly rail passes would, at best, be revenue-neutral. The additional squeezing of the faithfully departing, would be countered by the lost ridership of those who squealed "Enough" and left the rail system altogether. So far, no official information on this impact, only my personal observations of lighter loads and some of the former regulars who are now MIA.

Fortunately, Amtrak is trying some market-friendly alternatives to help keep the lights on and the conductor's pensions funded: advertising. Not spending more money on advertising, but selling ads (hey, if it works for Google). The ads I'm talking about are actually more traditional than cyber. Think rolling billboard. Starting this week, Acela Express from D.C. running to Boston will be wrapped in advertisements for an upcoming History Channel Special, hosted by Tom Brokow. The subject is "1968" and we can expect to see the giant images of Richard Nixon, Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King and Bob Dylan flash before our eyes. It should be particularly evident to our Delaware neighbors, since Amtrak rails parallels I-95 and makes the trains easily visible. As long as someone is willing to pay for the space, I'm sure there will be plenty more to come. I'd like to suggest two additional sources of free-market revenue for Amtrak: the Casino Car and "Acelerated", the work-out car. The rail casino could have one side for slots and the other side for blackjack. Create a partnership with a Native American tribe (I think Amtrak means "rolling in chips" in the Algonquin tongue) and give Donald Trump a management stake (picture The Donald plastered all over the outside of the car) and violla! Budget crisis solved in 120 days! My second solution caters to the time-conscious exerciser. What better way to chew up some miles during your commute and slip in a workout as well. The car could be equipped with steppers and ellipticals and maybe a compact weight station or two. Each user would be limited to twenty minutes or a half hour and equipment would be unlocked via credit card. Memberships could be sold and injury waivers would be signed as well. That should do it. Examples of the market at work and no need for escalating federal handouts or immediate in-your-pocket fare increases. As the Brits (who know a thing or two about trains) would say, brilliant!

Sour Gropes

Saturday 11/10/07:

As crowded as Monday mornings appear, or as pushy a sold-out, night-before Holiday escape from Penn Station becomes, none of Amtrak's schedule can come close to the JR (Japan Railway) in Tokyo. Apparently, one of the unpleasant bi-products of this ant farm-like transit system is a bizarre propensity for male commuters to grope female railers. As if armpit-in-your nostril straphangers wasn't uncomfortable enough, throw in some unwanted bumping,grinding and grabbing to the mix for a real nightmare commute! According to recent reports, Tokyo is facing an epidemic of men who can't keep their hands to themselves. In a related survey, 64% of Tokyo women in their 20's and 30's reported that they have been groped on trains or subways.

One response created to offer some relief has been the creation of the "women only" car, a coach on the train available to female riders. Another has been the development of a free download for cell phones offered by game-maker Takahashi that will flash a bold series of questions. The application flashes increasingly threatening messages in bold print on the phone's screen to show the offender. These include "Did you just grope me?" It follows up with " Did you know groping is a crime?" and "Should we head to the police?" It has become the 2nd most popular download in Tokyo and 7th overall for the company. And while many young women are too embarrassed to take action, other are not. According to their most recent statistics, Tokyo Metropolitan Police reported 1,853 people were arrested in 2005 for groping passengers on trains in Tokyo. So how is one of these purvy gropers suppose to get his kicks? Well, leave it to Japanese ingenuity! How about the "Train Cafe", a real train car that provides a simulated train ride and where groping is allowed! This "escape" is provided just minutes from Tokyo's Ikebukuro station. The cost of a membership is $42 and each "ride" is $30. Along with servings of tea for $25, the 20-minute faux-commute departs every hour and serves up young women for the rider's groping pleasure! In addition to "company girls" who are dressed in school-girl outfits or aprons, other "normal" girls who hang out at the cafe after work, can jump on board and join in! Apparently, many members use this activity as a precursor for getting a date, going to dinner, and many report, a steady relationship that has led to marriage! This really brings new meaning to the commuters "daily grind."

Gravy Train

Week Ending 11/8/07:

Fall has arrived and what better time to think of my three favorite "f" words: family, food and friends than the weeks leading up to the Holidays. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving and I had an early glimpse this week of times to come. Not that I'm looking forward to extra-packed trains filled with visitors to the City or travelers going home for the Holidays. One gentlemen, riding from Philadelphia to Washington, decided to get a jump on the season and brought almost a complete Thanksgiving meal with him on board. He was probably around 60, dressed in normal business attire, and average by all accounts. He had a large shopping bag which he sat on the seat next to him. Out of the bag comes a whole roaster chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry dressing and yes, pumpkin pie for dessert! And yes, he did eat the whole thing. I'm always amazed at the volume of exotic foods that passengers bring with them. Usually it's brought with its own unique aromas of spices depicting far away lands, and usually the aroma is pretty putrid! But I have to admit, the guy and his chicken really caught everyone's attention.